Dear Reader

Dear Reader, I have noticed during my daily commute on the train that my internal monologue often run on a loop, such are the monotonous journeys I endure each day. I thought I would attempt to entertain you with the thoughts that offer almost everyday (should I be awake enough). Things I wish I could say on the train: Could you kindly stop talking, I'm trying to read my book and your voice is putting me off  Move yo'self the fuck over MY ARM REST! Now look here you, stop eating that apple or I'm going to shove it down your throat Oh I like your dress, where did you get it from? SIR YOUR HEADPHONES ARE NOT PLUGGED IN AND WE CAN ALL HEAR YOUR SODDING PROGRAMME... ...wait don't plug them in, I was starting to enjoy that Stop apologising for the train being late and let's get this show on the road Please go home and clean your travel mug, that is truly quite deplorable I see you there, reading the back of my book, i...

Dear Reader,  Today I'm not writing to you as usual, today I am writing to a stranger...which come to think of it, you are too. Well now that we all know our place... Dear man standing next to me on the train, (Calm enough start you think, sure there's nothing to rant about here.  Well the bloody well is) Let me rephrase.  Dear old white man with large stomach standing somewhere between too close and BACK THE FUCK OFF distance from my face. At what stage in train etiquette proceedings did you feel this would be even marginally a good idea? It's buggeringly bad enough that I have to sit on a crowded train, on which there is fuck all air movement but now I have to deal with you leaning over me for eleventy billion hours as we make the rickety, cramped journey home.  At what stage in life did you forget about people's bubbles? Oh wonderful, now you're coughing, you've fucking trampled on my bubble and now you're coughing on it. Thanks a lot. ...

Dear Reader, Today I saw one of my closest friends, I call her my sister because except for the whole, different parents, no blood relation thing, we're sisters. We grew up together, we wore matching outfits, we went on holidays together and we definitely fought like sisters. So here we are 20 something years later, sisters. We've got to that stage that I feel most sisters reach eventually where you stop arguing so much. I don't know when it happened or how it happened but we just stopped. We stopped annoying one another quite as much and embraced each others faults a little more. It's nice, you know, you suddenly become even closer than you were before. So one of my favourite things about my sister is her ability to forget things, it's fantastic and it makes me laugh so hard I cry sometimes. It's silly things like forgetting the names of objects or people and it makes her who she is, it's ruddy wonderful. I might love it a little more because I always ...